Following
by The1nBetween
Summary: He was always following someone. It was just a question of who.


The earliest memory you have is following around big brother. If you strain to remember, flashes of a doorway will come to you. It's mostly the excitement of the moment you remember, then pain. He led you inside, brought you to the kindly house elf. They patched you up before mother noticed, and neither of you were yelled at that day.

There are lots of memories like that. Memories of toddling or walking or running after big brother were plentiful, if you thought of your early years. It was later that things became strained. Following big brother is most of what you remember, if you're honest with yourself.

Then comes the year you turned nine. He left you with the house elf and your parents, and walked a path you could not follow. The expectations around him crumbled. When he came back, he fought with your parents. He still cares about you, though. You didn't understand why they fought.

When you finally got to go to the castle, you were thrilled. Finally, you could follow big brother again. You could show him that you still wanted to be near him, that you still wanted to follow. You got Slytherin. The stigma was hard. Slytherins were all pompous jerks who relied on their family name, or so the story went.

Apparently big brother believed that too. He didn't let you follow, not anymore. You went home that year dissatisfied, found comfort in the old house elf. Your twelfth birthday came, and it was celebrated lavishly. Big brother looked uncomfortable the entire time.

The next year was different. You tried to talk to big brother, but he didn't want to talk to you. His new friends were good to him. They made him look happy. That was good.

Years and years passed, you followed your parents. Big brother left. He left and never came back. Your parents told you what they wanted, and you saw the way the wind was blowing.

"Follow us," the people with the marks on their forearms said, "We'll change the world for the better." So you did.

Big brother didn't like that, but you hadn't followed him for years now. Still, you remembered his words. Your first mission ended in the death of one of Dumbledore's people. You were praised. It was an accident.

That night, you puked. You heaved until your stomach was completely emptied while the kindly house elf sat with you through the night. A life was gone. It was your fault. You kept looked for a way out, already committed but avoiding murder where you could.

When you find out about the amulet, you nearly run to your big brother. You can even see him through a window, eating with his friends. He sees you, comes out angrily.

"What are you doing here?" The hostile voice makes you flinch, and you stare at him.

"You were right," you say after a moment, "You were right and I was wrong. I'm sorry."

"Tell that to Moira!" You blink dumbly. The woman, her name was Moira. The woman you killed. Her terrified face is behind your eyelids, if you care to see.

"I'm going to fix it," you say firmly, "I think I've got a lead."

"Just leave," big brother says bitterly, "What happened can't be fixed."

You nod stiffly. You wanted to expect more, but the hope is crushed. Even if you continued talking, he would only get angry. There would be no reason for that. "Goodbye, big brother," You say quietly before walking away.

The house elf leaves with you an hour later, opening a wall and crossing a lake. When you see the trap, it is clear to you. You get on your knees and grasp his bony hands, looking directly into his eyes.

"Thank you," you say earnestly, "You've always helped me." He begins to speak before you shake your head. "I need you to destroy the amulet for me, will you do that?" It's a question. You're the only one who ever bother to ask him one of those.

The house elf has watery eyes as he nods, "Kreacher will destroy it."

You smile before summoning a cup and dipping it into the potion. "No matter what happens," you say, "Don't let me stop." That is an order. You can't afford to fail now.

Your memory fades after that moment, and you are overcome with memories of your parents fighting with big brother. It escalates beyond even what you have seen into what you have feared. They curse him and curse him and you just want it to stop and then unbearable pain on you and him. His screams intertwining with yours and then-

You need water, but Kreacher is crying and he's holding the true amulet. The other is inside the bowl with your note, you're sure of it. He grasps your hand and you teleport out together. House elves have never been bound by conventional rules of magic anyway.

The potion, it weakened you. You can feel a numbness coming on and you look around you only to see big brother's room. Sirius' room. When you close your eyes Kreacher is panicking, but you know nothing will help. The smell of his room is still the same. You lose yourself in the memories and it's almost all faded away. Next time you meet, he'll be following you. Maybe he'll have forgiven you by then.

A/N This is an experiment with second person and the first time I have done something like this. If it was absolutely awful, I do apologize. If, however, you enjoyed it, then that's good too. I just want to warn that I have no idea how to rate things, so if you think the current rating doesn't work, feel free to say something. Thanks for reading!


End file.
